DEAR ABBY SAYS: All women are prostitutes.

I can't believe I haven't linked to this yet.

TODAY IN THE LIFE OF DAVE: There's this thing at my church where mothers of tiny children have this big meeting every other Thursday, and I'm one of the people that watch the kids for two hours. This one little girl too adorable to have been in Kindergarten Cop because it would've been overkill just walked around the room the whole time in this immaculate little pink toddler outfit. She didn't even get any glue on herself when they were supposed to be making pillars of smoke out of cotton balls (if we continue with this weird emphasis on Exodus, we're going to turn all these kids black). With less than a minute to go before her mom comes to pick her up, I look over at her and she's covered in feces like a German person! Can not for the life of me figure out how that happeded, especially since I didn't see any on her hands or on the floor. All I know for sure is, I didn't crap on anyone.

Bought Rebel Moon at a used book store. It's based on a video game by Vox Day, which in turn seems to be a bit of a tribute to The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress.

Joyce has this look on her face today that's like, "Oh, Dave. Cute like a monkey, yet charmingly rougish like Han Solo."