An Idiot, Not A Talib . . . or . . . Ignorance Is Strength.

I realize it's a little late by blogger standards, but this is the time
I have chosen to throw in my two cents about
What
Patty Murray Said . I may have more to say about stem cell research
later on too.

Coming, as it did, right after Trent Lott's thoughtcrime, many
conservatives were a little too eager to sauce the goose and portray the
speech by the "mom in tennis shoes" as an outright anti-American
endorsement of Osama Bin Laden. If we don't accept her denials of this,
then in a way we've sunk to the level of the Democrats who latched onto
Lott's gaffe like moray eels, and would allow no clarification,
explanation, apology, or reconciliation.

The first defenses of Murray claimed that her laughably absurd
implications that the US does NOT build schools and hospitals all over the
world, and that Osama not only does this, but also builds DAY CARE CENTERS
were actually accurate . I find this significant. Her comments
are typical of a certain Seattle-public-school-teacher personality type
that I am quite familiar with. To this element, such statements are
considered "accurate" because they have a strong element of ideological
verisimilitude.

By flirting with unpatriotic sentiments, words like these ensure that
they will be construed as such by those willing to play the role of Archie
Bunker, which makes them "honest", "objective", and "courageous". Speeches
like these, often given by low IQ high-school history teachers, also jive
with what journalist types learned in school, and with their
pseudo-religious beliefs that all societal evils spring from such root
causes as capitalism, imperialism, nationalism, and a lack of federal
funding/ education/ empowerment/ social justice. This is what led some to
claim (unlike Murray herself, last I heard) that her statements were
"true".

Hopefully, this will be used by her political opposition to get her out
of office not by making her out to be a Talib, but simply by letting her
show herself as the idiot that anyone who's seen her face has always
suspected her to be. That is what I have to say about What
Patty Murray Said .

Quote of the Moment ______________________________

"I often think of how comforting life must have been for early man
because he believed in a powerful, benevolent Creator who looked after all
things. Imagine his disappointment when he saw his wife putting on
weight."-Woody
Allen

DMC Definitions ______________________________

BACK-ALLEY: The only kind of abortions that carry any medical risks.

BREAST-ENHANCEMENT: Female self-mutilation compulsion caused by the
universal heterosexual male fetish for mature, full-figured women.

BULIMIA: Female regurgitory compulsion caused by the universal
heterosexual male fetish for morbidly emaciated adolescent girls.

CUT: Republican racist code word. The term "tax cut" actually means "black
people are inferior" and to "cut spending" means to "kill all the black
people".

Here's part of "Lefty's Bill Of Rights", an article I never got around to
finishing.

Amendment I

The right of the creative community to receive federal funds for the
purpose of raising the consciousness of the masses on matters religious,
moral, and sexual, and of the masses to be protected from all non-federally
funded offensive speech and acts of worship, shall not be questioned.
Congress shall allow freedom of expression concerning print and private
conversation; all other media will be licenced and regulated by appropriate
agencies, to be invented as new media forms are invented. Free presses will
be provided for the disadvantaged, pending approval of those bodies that
shall be appointed to determine who is sufficiently disadvantaged.

Amendment II

Universal guarantees of personal safety being necessary to the security of
a risk-free State, any proposed legislation which might conceivably save a
single life, shall be passed, without regard to any enumerated rights they
may infringe, unless such laws would infringe upon rights not enumerated in
this Constitution.

Amendment III

No property owner shall deprive the people of their right to a home, either
by declining to rent his property to members of disadvantaged groups, or by
failing to pay for the housing of those who avail themselves of their right
to cheap or free housing.

Amendment IV

The privilege of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers,
and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be
violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon due process of polling.
Exceptions shall be made in those cases of extreme sedition in which direct
orders from the Attorney General, a duly appointed employee of the
Executive, are not promptly obeyed.

Amendment V

No person shall be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy
of life or limb, unless the legislature shall pass a new law concerning
that same offense and decree that it be enforced retroactively; nor shall
be compelled to be a witness against himself, except in those most grievous
cases of capitalistic crimes against the workers, in which cases appeal to
this amendment will be taken as an implicit confession of guilt; nor shall
private property be taken for public use without just compensation, unless
said property is wet.

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to as many
speedy and public trials as are necessary to obtain an eventual acquittal,
and to have the assistance of as large a team of attorneys as is thus
necessary.

My friend, former editor, and de-facto literary agent Jeremy Lott has urged me to start blogging right away to get my name out there and get more exposure for my writting. Most of my previous writting can be found through the links on my old site: The Center For The Advancement Of Dave Munger.