Here's Jullianna Margules Es Muy Sexuale, an article I wrote for Bob From Accounting. My new instalment in that series, Como Julliana Margules No Replia Me Messayes? is up now. It's not as funny, they made me dumb it down.

___ ASSORTED ASSERTIONS ___

The ideal (non-global) terrestrial nation would be as round as possible, like Bohemia, in order to have the most favorable ratio of area to frontage. Frontage is always a liability, but area and population are always assets for properly run, capitalistic states. The ideal non-terrestrial nation would be in a topopolis, a tube a few miles wide and of ever increasing length. Such a nation would be able to increase it’s area indefinitely without increasing the length of it’s borders.

Native-born American women seem incapable of deep patriotic sentiment. Their viceral loyalties are with Europe. They constitute a kind of French Fifth Column.

You should probably buy a pizza or some soup for an Israeli soldier, like I keep meaning to do.

“Total Recall” is a thinking man’s “The Matrix”.

What someone needs to invent is a machine for forcing people to blow their noses. Perhaps something that would fit over the victim’s head and create a vacuum around it. As things now stand, we are all helpless to do anything beyond offering them some Kleenex. If they say, “No thanks. Snort-gulp-burp”, we are left without recourse.

Every ideology comes with a temptation for it’s adherents to be outdo one another by becoming caricatures of themselves, according to whatever stereotypes their opposition puts forth. Conservatives have our self-righteous atavism and our cigar-chomping machismo. Liberals have their knee-jerk anti-Americanism. Libertarians have their boundary-phobic hopheads.

We must not tolerate any guerrilla activity in regions inhabited by wild gorillas. It’s too confusing.